The psalmists confirm that I should not want, I shall not want, because no good thing will God withhold from me.” It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being single. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me. I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly need one. “Accepting singleness, whether temporary or permanent, does not hinge on speculation about answers God has not given to our list of whys, but rather on celebration of the life he has given.
Paige Benton Brown in her excellent article on singleness says it this way: It’s our steadfast belief in God’s goodness, with or without answers, that is imperative. He never told Job why he was called to suffer so greatly but we do know He was very fond of Job and loved Him. God doesn’t give us a lot of whys in Scripture in the context of trials. God is mysterious in His ways and yet we are called to trust Him and believe that He is good and that all things work together for good-even the struggles that go on for years without explanation. At some point we all face circumstances that cause us to question if God is really in control. If we take time to get to the heart of it, the struggle is really not with singleness-it’s with the sovereignty and goodness of God. He also helped me to get over myself long enough to see He had work for me to do and serving was a great remedy for self-pity. And He showed me that His plans and purposes for my life as a single person were good (Eph. He showed me that my sin couldn’t trump His plan (Job 42:2), although sin can and does have consequences. 84:11), as if I could do anything to deserve marriage. Over time, the Lord was gracious to show me that He was not withholding anything from me (Ps. I wondered if I had sinned in some way in the past and was therefore receiving God’s discipline as punishment.
I struggled with why a friend would get married and not me. I had times when I wondered why and if God was withholding marriage for some reason. Getting married at 33, I had a few years where I wrestled with God’s timing and purposes in my singleness. I wrestle because singleness brings with it a lot of heartbreak for those I love and it reveals my temptation to doubt God’s goodness and sovereignty.
I struggle with singleness because I have dear, godly, beautiful friends who have desired and prayed for husbands for years and yet they remain unmarried. While I am gratefully and happily married, I still struggle. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord.
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